The Practice of Dying

Each day is an opportunity to die meaningfully.

Morbid! You might think this thought - this statement is out of bounds, unacceptable in our society that considers talking about our own death as taboo.

Yet these past months, we have listened and read news about deaths happening mostly in the slums, in poor communities. And some of us expressed satisfaction over the spate of killings as a way of cleansing and cleaning up society. 

Have we lost our fear of talking about death? Our own death? Or are we not afraid to think about other people’s death, as long as it is not oneself or one’s loved one who is facing the prospect of dying or has died?

I do not intend to write here about the recent depressing snuffing out of lives but I could not help but wonder why many of us have all of a sudden become so accepting of the death of others. Perhaps because it makes one feel not so deserving of death – unlike all the “others” whom we have judged coldly as worthy of an execution. Perhaps it is also the fear of one’s own death that makes some think that these “others” deserve the gallows.

Yet we forget that dying is a daily task. It is a daily business of giving up something or someone including oneself. When we acknowledge that we are not immune to dying, we can look at each day as an opportunity to detach from our dear life that we cling to.  The less we cling to this life, the more we can let go of our ego.

When we feel helpless and we sigh and say: “I let god take care of this for me.” We are practicing dying. There are things in life that we cannot easily resolve, address, forgive, or let go. So, we need this moment of surrender which makes us acknowledge that we are not in control at all times. In this instance, we are more in touch with our own need of others, and perhaps, in this single moment, we become less self-absorbed beings who take for granted others who are in need of help.

I have been given the privilege to listen to stories of friends, who are daily giving of themselves to the point of neglecting their own needs. A dear friend has to take care of a sick mother and has to forgo opportunities to get a full-time job and explore opportunities away from home. As I listen to her telling me her travails, I know at that moment, she is also practicing dying. Just as her mother is perhaps journeying towards death, inching slowly towards the final breath, my friend, who has sacrificed a lot to be by her mother’s side – is also practicing dying herself. It is a preparation both for the sick, aged mother as well as for my friend.

Another way of practicing dying is when we part with things we do not need to give to those who can make good use of these. By doing so, we are saying to ourselves – “I let go of my attachment to this thing” and thus, we may be helping others live more comfortably and meet their need. We become other-centered.

When parents are confronted with the situation of having to let go of a son or a daughter, who has to leave home for the first time for a field trip, or to go to college and live far from home, or to get married – some parents feel that a part of them has died.

These are but a few examples of the daily practice of dying. We may be afraid of the thought of dying, especially if it is our own death. The more we fear our own death, the less in touch we are with opportunities to practice dying.

Dying is what we have been doing all along. Each day cells in our bodies die but we are not aware of this. As they say, something’s gotta give…to make room for more of something or less of something.

For some of us who are cheering the deaths that are happening daily these recent months, because it was not our own death or our loved one who died – we have to look closely at our own vulnerability to “the end.” Perhaps by doing so, we can be in touch once more with our sense of compassion for others – not selective compassion – but universal compassion. Because each of us, whether we like it or not, has to face death – our own death.

When we pause between our in-breath and out-breath, we can increase our awareness of life – and death. Our thoughts may lead us to be more clingy – the more we cling to ourselves, the more we try to control everything around us and we miss out on opportunities to practice dying gracefully. Our awareness of our in and out-breath may also lead us to a sense of gratitude and humility for the gift of life itself. This could lead us to a deepening of our appreciation of every opportunity there is for living – as well as for dying with dignity, grace and integrity.

The choice is in - the end - ours to make. But – the end – is an everyday event that can be meaningful, if we want to. It need not be that “one event” – that we dread. It could be a daily practice of living meaningfully at each in-breath and out-breath.

Have a good “your soul” day!

23:49PM, 31 October 2016